I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
