i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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