You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, beer. Big fan.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
