wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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