im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
