You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
