Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
