this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
