I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
