as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
