Tell her she can't have a vagina
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
