none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
