I accidentally burped into my bong.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
