what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is wine microwaveable?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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