I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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