the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
