Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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