Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
