She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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