Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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