dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
