My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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