she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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