Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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