I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
