You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
