hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
