I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
