I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fuck appropriateness.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
