I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
