never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
God, I missed his penis.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
