Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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