You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
