Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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