someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
