my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
