i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
