I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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