Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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