Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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