I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so let's talk penis.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
