Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
