last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
