Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
