i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
sarcasm needs its own font
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
