i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i've created a new STD.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
