Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
