Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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