Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
