so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
